Entries in Aaron (21)
Kim
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I turned for a second.... again..
It happened again. I turned away for a second, again. The first time I turned away for second was when Aaron was only seven months old and he rolled off my bed. After a hospital visit and may tears later, everything was okay.
This time Aaron was in his high chair, eating his breakfast as he does every morning. I had finished my cup of coffee and had gotten up out of my chair that sits directly in front of Aaron to rinse out my cup and put it in the dishwasher as I do every morning. As I closed the dishwasher door I turned to find Aaron looking at me with big doe eyes filled with tears.
The blood rushed my from body. Aaron was choking.
I threw the high chair tray on the floor and immediately slapped him on the back. Nothing.
Breath. God. Damn. It.
I then flipped him over and did the infant heimlich maneuver on him. The chunk of waffle came flying out. He started coughing and I felt my body starting to go limp. I then stuck my finger in his mouth to make sure it was all out of his mouth and he proceeded to puke all over me.
He was breathing. I nearly fell to my knees.
Aaron turned to me and slapped his puke ridden hand on my face and smiled like I did not just fail him a second time.
Failure seems like a very dramatic, strong word. But that is how I feel.
It is my turn to breath.
He is okay.
He is smiling.
I was never so relieved.
I was never so happy that I took an infant CPR course.
I was never so grateful for puke, even if the smell was with me the entire day.
It was a second. A simple second that stole years off my life.
I am sorry Aaron Angel, again.
**I know failure, failing, seems harsh. And I am not beating myself up too much. I just feel/felt like crap knowing had I been in front of him I would have seen him take a huge bite. I know this will pass, and I will make a thousand more mistakes.. but, well.. this just sucked.
Lessoned Learned
There are many lessons along the way of the journey that is parenting. I have passed many lessons the first time through, others I have had to repeat over and over before the lesson stuck.
At my house this weekend there was around 35 adults and 25 kids. Why the insanity? Because my baby boy turned one.
Now ask me if I will do it again? Go on...
NO. A big fat no.
Truth be told I did not want to have a big party but my Mom guilt ate me alive. I did the big party for my first born, how could I not do it for my second? I should have talked myself out of it. But I didn't, that Mom guilt kills me sometimes.
It took a full week to prepare for the party. There was food to be ordered, beverages to be iced, favors to be made, and cleaning. NON-stop cleaning. And then on top of it, Long Island was in the middle of 100 degree heat wave.
I saw smiles from the kids and socializing from the adults. And every stitch of food and alcohol was consumed. Party Success!
Let's circle back to the glaring lesson. I was able to enjoy all of 45 minutes of a party that lasted nine hours. And those 45 minutes were at the end of the night after my son went to bed. During the height of the party I did not get to sit with any of my friends for longer than three minutes.
Just recently the classiest of all bloggers did a post called Honestly, I am not a party pooper. She shared how she struggled with throwing parties for her children. This post hit home quickly when I read it because I had already made the decision when I sent out the invitations that this was going to be my last "big" party.
I need to be that drastic. Outside of the huge expense the party was, outside of the week it took me to prepare for the party, it was the fact that I did not spend anytime with the people I love to be around including my kids. In the future I plan to stick to the intimate backyard bbq's for get togethers with friends and keep the kids birthdays to just Mommy, Daddy, and kids.
I want to create unique and special memories for my boys. There will be a time when my boys will not want to spend their birthday's with me because they will want to celebrate with their friends. I can't waste one more birthday because of Mom guilt. Because this Mom can see that time passes too quickly.
Lessoned learned.
Wordless Wednesday - Career Assessment
Aaron has been trying on a few hats on what he wants to be when he grows up:
Garbage Man
Gardener
Grill Master
So far he hasn't found an employeer to change his diaper on pee breaks. But we are working on it.
Monday Snap Shots
I am trying to master Panning - The basic idea behind panning as a technique is that you pan your camera along in time with the moving subject and end up getting a relatively sharp subject but a blurred background.
Big Blues
Peace Ma!
Welcome to the Jungle
Wordless Wednesday - Double Dose
Man am I old!
Need to see a man about a horse
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A Mommy Blessing- May 26 2007
It took us eight months to conceive you. I will never forget the moment on September 20th 2006 when I took my monthly pregnancy test and it actually reflected a positive result. I stood in the bathroom and cried with joy.
When I was five months pregnant with you the doctors told us we were having a little girl. I immediately went home and gave every piece of boy clothing away to charity. My mother was beyond ecstatic because you were going to be the first granddaughter she could spoil. You see you did not know at the time but she has six grandsons and no daughters. How quickly that all changed!
You had other plans about your sex. It was my 32 week sonogram appointment and I will never forget the conversation with the nurse. I asked the nurse, can you just double check that she is still a she. She said without hesitation, “who said you were having a girl, because you are clearly having a boy”. My mother was at this appointment with me and we both went into a hysterical laughing fit. It was clear she was not getting her first granddaughter.
I found it odd that on this appointment that I kept getting transferred from one room to the next. And then the whispering amongst the nurses was odd but I kept cool because my mom was with me. But then, my little man, I was not prepared for what the sonogram specialist was going to tell me next.
Hydrocephalus. There was a chance you would be born with hydrocephalus. I tried to have a stiff upper lip because the doctor was being so kind, and gentle with how he delivered the news, and again my mom was with me so I did not want her to freak out, watching me freak out. I don’t remember walking to the car, but I remember closing the door and just sobbing. Sobbing so hard that I could not talk. Sobbing so hard that I could not breath. Not only was I going to have to tell your daddy that we are no longer having “Daddy’s little girl“, but that there was the possibility of our baby being born with a handicap. Your daddy was much stronger than I was because he filled me with hope, he hugged me and told me what I needed to hear.
In reality, you were loved by us already and no matter what we were going to love you. I had to wait four long weeks before we could go for another sonogram. On my 36 week appointment, your daddy and I received news that it appeared that the condition was clearing up and there was a strong possibility that you would be fine.
Prayer works. I strongly believe that.
On May 25th I was induced. You were big and you were a week shy from your due date and our doctor said if we waited any longer I may not be able to give birth naturally.
On May 26th, 2007 god allowed me to become a mother to another one of his beautiful angels. My Aaron angel. Your birth was like something out of the movies. I was in hard labor for only 11 minutes. You were in a rush to meet us the doctors said. Hearing you cry for the first time was 
magical. Having the doctors tell daddy and me that you were 100% healthy made us both cry.
Thank you for choosing me as your mother Aaron. Thank you for showing me just how wonderful motherhood can be because as I told you I had a rough time with your brother. As I write this I still cannot believe that you are now a one year old. Each day your curiosity grows about the 
world.
You are a dare devil. You love to see “what if” even after mommy has said no, no, no to you. Your smile is healing. Your giggle is infectious. You idolize your older brother. It is adorable how you try to imitate him. You and your brother take my breath away sometimes when I see the both of you playing together. 
How did I get so lucky?
Even when you wake up at 2:00 am for a bottle I still pick you up out of your crib so that I can hold the bottle for you. We both know you are quite capable of holding your bottle on your own, but I still love our quiet time together. That is our time that it is just me and you. Our time where I can brush your hair with my hand and kiss your forehead. Our time that you will still wrap your fingers around my index finger. And as I saw when your brother was so tiny this time will come to an end soon enough. I am not ready to let go yet.
There is such a big world out ahead of you my little man. I promise to encourage your dreams, keep you safe and to love you to pieces.
Happy First Birthday Aaron James. I could not be more blessed than to have you call me mommy.
Wordless Wednesday - Heerrrreee'sss Aaron
(picture quality is not very crisp due to a high ISO..but I love the look on his face)
Sunday Snapshots
This week I was going crazy with my camera. I received an awesome new camera lens for Mother's Day and I have been non-stop with it. Here are my favorite shots from the week. :)
King of The Road
Little Red
Vampire Sponge Bob
Mow Mow Man
BBS (Beautiful Baby Sis)
Sweet Cheeks
