When I first saw that Bosssander's had issued a new blog carnival I immediately knew I did NOT want to to it.  I had just put all my pictures out for the world to see of how dorky I was growing up.  But that really was just a poor excuse to avoid sharing my views of what I see as my self image. 

Why?  Because as wonderful as all you readers are of my little ol' blog you may not understand that when I look in the mirror I see:

A nose to large for my face.
Ears that make Dumbo look like a chump.
Arms that are way to long for my frame.
Cellulite that now plagues my thighs.
Hair that will never be as amazing as my sisters.
Boobs that will never grow back no matter how many miracle bra's I throw on them.

I don't see pretty. I see me as the dorky 15 year old. 

Then there are my personality flaws:

I am really corny.
i am rarely witty, and if I am, I am the only one in the room to think I am.
I laugh at everything.
I trust to much.
I don't trust at all.
I have a food issues.  I rarely, if ever, eat to enjoy food.

But what I do know about me and that I sincerely love about me is that:

I will give you the shirt off my back.
I will do what is possible to be the best possible friend I can be now.  I made mistakes earlier on in life that made me realize how important is it to have friends.  Real friends.  People that you can rely on and that can rely on you.
I love with my whole heart.
I don't hold back. 
I am simplistic.
I love that at 35 I still listen to the music way to loud.
Or that I still find humor in farts and burbs.
I never take myself too seriously.
But seriously enough when I need too.
I made the career I have, college did not (even though I did attend).

And the biggest part I love about me is being a mother. For those that know me in real life, they know what an impact my two boys have made on settling my soul.  That motherhood is the best damn thing to ever happen to me.  They gave me a purpose to love myself.  Sure, I get love from my spouse, of course.  But I could never get from him what I get from my boys.  And I can't even put a label on the feeling.  It is as simple as I need them to believe in themselves.  And if they can't see that their Mom does, what kind of example will that set for them?  And I can't send them out into this ridiculously pressured world that focuses more on self image than self worth.

Looking back  on those old photos of how dorky I was growing up really made me realize how far I have come.  I am more comfortable in my skin.  I do love me.  But more importantly, I accept me.

Also, the one huge factor that I was flat out  not doing this post was that as readers I did not want to have the crowd do the obligatory: but your so pretty, or your so nice.  Because it goes deeper than that.  You can have a crowded room fill your head with all of that, but if you don't see that or feel it there is nothing anyone can do to convince you.

And for the first time ever I am closing comments on my blog.  Why?  Because I did this post for me.  As selfish as it sounds.  I posted it because I thought I could not.