I turned for a second.... again..
It happened again. I turned away for a second, again. The first time I turned away for second was when Aaron was only seven months old and he rolled off my bed. After a hospital visit and may tears later, everything was okay.
This time Aaron was in his high chair, eating his breakfast as he does every morning. I had finished my cup of coffee and had gotten up out of my chair that sits directly in front of Aaron to rinse out my cup and put it in the dishwasher as I do every morning. As I closed the dishwasher door I turned to find Aaron looking at me with big doe eyes filled with tears.
The blood rushed my from body. Aaron was choking.
I threw the high chair tray on the floor and immediately slapped him on the back. Nothing.
Breath. God. Damn. It.
I then flipped him over and did the infant heimlich maneuver on him. The chunk of waffle came flying out. He started coughing and I felt my body starting to go limp. I then stuck my finger in his mouth to make sure it was all out of his mouth and he proceeded to puke all over me.
He was breathing. I nearly fell to my knees.
Aaron turned to me and slapped his puke ridden hand on my face and smiled like I did not just fail him a second time.
Failure seems like a very dramatic, strong word. But that is how I feel.
It is my turn to breath.
He is okay.
He is smiling.
I was never so relieved.
I was never so happy that I took an infant CPR course.
I was never so grateful for puke, even if the smell was with me the entire day.
It was a second. A simple second that stole years off my life.
I am sorry Aaron Angel, again.
**I know failure, failing, seems harsh. And I am not beating myself up too much. I just feel/felt like crap knowing had I been in front of him I would have seen him take a huge bite. I know this will pass, and I will make a thousand more mistakes.. but, well.. this just sucked.
Kim
50 Comments
Reader Comments (50)
My daughter choked on a hot dog that was cut up. I've been scared of them ever since. I fed my children waffles for breakfast today.
I'm glad it ended so very well!
Wow...you had me holding my breath. I'm glad he's okay! And, you didn't fail him!!!
What a sweet boy. Glad you are both ok. You didn't fail him. He's fine. Life happens sometimes. You responded.
This is so terrifying when it happens. For me, it was tiny pieces of cut up, stewed apple. Not hard, not large, still baby CHOKING. I'm so glad Aaron is fine!
Fail? Are you kidding me? You saved his life!!! Where can I take this infant CPR course? How freaking scary!!!
Goodness Kim! I am so thankful that Aaron is ok. And seriously, SO NOT YOUR FAULT. You don't even want to hear the list of things that have happened in one second in our house. Cade does not have all of his two front teeth thanks to me and one second.
Hang in there sweetie! This too shall pass. :)
Oh sweetie...I'm so sorry this happened. I'm a completely paranoid mess of a mommy and was terrified to introduce solids to my kiddos. Thank goodness you reacted quickly and knew what to do for your precious boy. You're a FABULOUS mommy. :-)
It is impossible to watch our kids every second of the day...you very well know our incident with the hinge remember? I'm so glad you were prepared with the knowledge that saved his life and didn't panic/forget. I'm so glad he's ok!
That was so scary to read. Oh my god. My heart was pounding. So glad that he was ok. You did nothing wrong. You didn't fail him in anyway. Your are a star mama!!
Oh, that is so tough - We all want to be SUPERMOM and catch everything - I find that I spend a ton of time thanking God for all of the "near misses", because they happen all the time - "nearly hit the corner of the table", "nearly choked", "nearly broke a bone", "nearly (fill in the blank)"
The kicker is that they do look at us with big eyes wondering what the "big deal" was after the fact, but we Mamma Bears are going to protect our children at all costs and they will never know that reality until they become a parent themselves.
Go easy on yourself and know that we all have similar stories of many "nearly's".
You didn't fail him... you saved him from the evil piece of waffle! The waffle is the evil villain in this story. ;-) Honestly, you reacted with your mommish reflexes. In fact, you reacted better than some would have because you knew exactly what to do!
I am sooo happy that little Aaron is okay!
Strange but my girls never took such huge bites of food as my son does. I've had to desperately dig into his mouth many a times to keep that huge piece of food from being swallowed! It is definitely scary! But glad he is ok and that YOU are ok. We can't keep our eyes on them 24/7. We just do the best we can.
I know how you feel. Everytime that we just turn our attention away from our babies, something happens already.
I remember my son ate 2 paper clips. I was only able to get one. But that night he seemed like he was choking, I didn't know what to do as I have no knowledge of the heimlich. To our relief, he poo'ed the clip. Thank goodness!
It's really scary isn't it. But I'm glad it's all over.
I am glad that your baby is doing good. *hugs*
Awe, hon! You did not fail him, you did everything in your power as quickly as you could and for that he is ok. Unfortunately, parenting does not come with a handbook and we cannot be with our kids every moment of everyday of their lives. There will be moments when things might happen, but it's what we do afterward that matters the most.
~K
you saved him- yr his super mom. God- that is scary stuff. I shivered. Thank god he is fine!
How scary. You poor thing. I would have been shaken also AND I would be guilt ridden. My hubs once told me (days after the incident mind you) that my younger daughter choked on a piece of plastic that she bit off of a dvd cover. It happens. It's scary as shit, but it happens.
Aw, you poor thing. I bet you were scared to death. Deep breaths. He's fine now. You're an awesome mommmy. NEVER doubt that!
Oh mama - I'm so glad he's OK and you're OK.
OMG! Do NOT blame yourself! But I can imagine how incredibly horrifying that would be!
YIKES! It must be scare the mom week or something! Thank goodness you WERE there and you knew what to do for him.
OMG, how scary. It's ironic that I found your blog today b/c I feel like a failure of a mommy too. My 22 month old DD climbed up these stairs to the loft above: (pic taken before she could crawl...we have a gate all the way around the base of the stairs that she managed to climb over)
All in a matter of 5 mins or less. wow, talk about a scare too. We all go thru it. I am glad you took the CPR class...makes me wish I had too! Even though you may feel like a bad mommy, you are a super mommy today. I'm subscribing to your blog on reader so can read more!
oops sorry, thought I could post a pic! anyway, the stairs are the spiral metal kind that you have a zillion places to fall thru or hurt yourself :(.
Scary! Unfortunately, I know exactly how you feel. My littlest guy always finds things to choke on even after I´ve swept and mopped. And three times now he has stopped breathing, like Aaron. I´m also VERY glad I took a baby CPR course,it´s saved his life, too.
phew. I think I just sprouted 3 gray hairs for you.
Oh, I got so anxious reading this. I'm glad he (and you) are fine. Cameron just had waffles this morning. The choking thing really scares me!
Choking is one of my greatest fears. My sister almost choked to death (that's how I remember it) on a cheesy piece of pizza when she was about two and I was 10. I have a very vivid memory of that incident. Now I'm totally paranoid about it. I completely understand how it would freak you out.
I know that feeling. I have been 'finger puked' on so many times by both kids. What the hell is it about them that makes them think they have to take a bite as big as their damn head?
ugh!! so we both have scary as shit mommymoments posted today.
Sending you lots of YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE love and hugs!!
Thank goodness you took that course. You didn't fail you saved your sons life.
That must have been terrifying!!!
No, you didn't fail him. You knew exactly what to do, you didn't panic, you just did what you needed to do to save him. I think it's critical that every parent take infant CPR... thank goodness you did! You're an awesome mom, don't you forget that . It could happen to ANYONE!