Birthday Parties - Stay or Go?
On the phone the other day with a friend I had a conversation about my three year olds social calendar. Yep, at three he has entered into the phase of "The birthday parties". My three year is invited to every birthday for every kid in his day care class. When he got his first one last year I was so excited, his first little outing that was not "Mommy's friends". Then two weeks later I broke my ankle so he could not make it. While in my cast he was invited to another 4 birthday parties but had to miss them all.
It is upon us again. That time of the year when I have been getting invitations in the mail almost daily for my three year old to attend another one of his "buddies" in day care.
While it is sweet, these parties are sucking away taking away four glorious weekends. Well not the entire weekend, but you get the point.
My friend made me laugh though after making a great point. Well, first I should preface that me and my friend are closing in on 36 this year.. born in good ol' 1972.. making us old seasoned. Back to the point; she said "when was it when parents started going to these birthday parties?"
Whoa. I did my best Joey Lawrence impression from Blossom. I can look back at any of my birthday parties growing up and see only kids. None of the parents were ever there with their kids. They dropped off their kids and ran. They were free for three to four hours.
Now? If you have a child between the ages of 3-8, heck even 9; you are stoned if you drop your kid off to a party and then leave. Well maybe not stoned, but you get the idea. Parents apparently look down on other parents that drop and go. I never knew that. Did you?
When did that crossover happen? I get that we live in a scary world and you can't trust anyone. Which sucks. But, can you sit back and laugh, sigh and remember how simple birthday parties were back in the day. It was not about the hot new place to host birthday parties for $49.99 per child. It was about red rover in the front yard. Or hide and seek in the basement. It was about a BBQ or pizza and not 30 catered trays from the local French restaurant.
Sigh.
Well this weekend kicks off my summer tour with my three year old. I will spit shine his hair. Make him use his big boy manners and hang out with the other parents leaning against the wall like dorks in junior high while he jumps around in the newest indoor jump house.
Kim
35 Comments
Reader Comments (35)
Ah yes, the birthday parties. Something I do not look forward to doing next year. I remember growing up and my mom being pissed having to buy a new gift every week for some kid's party I was attending. But you're right, I think at age 9 or 10, I was invited to my first "sleep over" party where parents dropped everyone off. I never went. HEck, I never got to sleep over anyone's house until I moved OUT of my parent's house...
Well, at least there is cake, right?
Um. Birthday parties. Never considered that . . . so much to do for all that. J's got awhile. What the heck do all the moms do during the party. Parties back in my day were total "drop and go." I remember having to wrangle 15 seven-year-olds during my little brother's party. Not fun. Not fun at all. But, if I recall, the cake was awesome and it was quite rewarding to watch all these little boys hyper on sugar leave with their parents . . .
Oh, so much to look forward to.
I had the BEST parties as a kid and parents were NEVER there. Now, it's a get-together for the parents as well. When my girls get a little older, parents are NOT allowed.
Ah, the fond memories of your birthday parties...one in particular...go back in time...sit back, close your eyes and remember how you gracefully flew across the lawn, oh, the WET lawn, onto the driveway to the other side of the lawn while playing Red Rover, I think that was the game...you did a number on your hands and legs since you looked like you were body surfing...in your black and white striped bathing suit...with your "Annie" perm...it was like yesterday, it's so vivid in my mind...I'm still smiling...oops! didn't mean to say that...hahahaha..JUST KIDDING...next story...Kim's rollerblading...coming to theaters soon...
Hmmm... birthday parties are all part of the growing up thingy. Enjoy them while they last. :)
Your mom needs a blog. Right now. I will be her first subscriber! She just made me pee my pants!
Hey - I was born in good old '72 too! Great year! As for the parties, we only do a max of 2 per month, if that. Too many other things happening - it's hard to keep up!
sometimes the best thing to do is RSVP 'no'.
At least here if you want to give out invites through school you HAVE to invite the entire class. So we regularly get invites from kids I have never even HEARD mentioned in conversations about school. So those kids don't get the pleasure of my kids' company usually.
I know as a inviter I am more than happy to get some 'no' responses mixed in there with the 'yes'.
I think it was Megan @ Jumping Monkeys that posted awhile ago about "Obligiparties" and how they should be stamped out.
just my .02
OMG..that is a pretty funny visual (parents hanging out like jr. high)
I actually had this conversation the other day (definitely that time of year) with another mom at a birthday party. We were discussing how as kids we were just dropped off and she mentioned that a couple of the mothers had called and 'asked' if they could drop their kids off at the party. She had to tell them no, not because she wanted all the parents there, but because she didn't really know the kids or their parents (kids from school).
I too remember having kids run wild at parties and parents were NEVER there (other than the hosting party) but I also remember not having strange kids at the parties either. My parents knew all of my friends and vice versa so it was no thing to have just the kids. My daughters party is Wednesday and I too had a mom ask is 'she was required to attend' I told her she did not if she had other plans (party is 2hr) but only because I know her and have had her child over to my house. If she was a stranger and I had only met her child, then I would ask that she be there...you just never know what your getting when you have a child all alone with no prior interaction.
Just my two cents...
~K
Man...must be nice, when I was little all the kids' birthday parties were just celebrated at the day care...all the parents just brought the cake and that's it. If you were born in the summer or on a day that there's no school, too bad for ya! HA!
I hear ya, Kim. I hate the 'keep up with the Joneses' that we are all pushed into with birthday parties now. I mean at ages 1-3 they are unlikely to even remember those birthdays, yet I've seen some really elaborate parties for such youngsters. As they get older, it only seems to get worse. I think that's why we opt for family & only close friends parties, now. It's just too much pressure, and I don't find spending hundreds of dollars on a party that lasts less than a day worth it.
Maybe that's why they expect parents to be there now- so much going on, they can't supervise all the kids and activities. I don't know.
My best party ever was a sleepover for my 10th birthday. I had 8 friends over and we munched on candy & snacks all eve & danced around to Madonna songs & just hung out. I don't think any amount of money could have made a better birthday memory for me.
You KNOW I'm not gonna stop hounding you for pics of the "Annie perm" right? My sister also had one and she still has emotional scars.
Parents were NEVER at kids parties when I was young (1972 here too). Homemade finger sandwiches, chocolate cake, ice cream and pin the tail on the donkey. That's all we had and WE LIKED IT!
I think it's the creeping outgrowth of the First Birthday Party, at which almost no children attend because what one-year-old plays with other kids? It's a party for the parents. And then slowly each subsequent party becomes like that too. We invite only 4-5 kids to a birthday party (not the whole class), and it's a social occasion for adults too, but I suspect in another year (by Kindergarten), parents will drop and flee. I wish I could do the same. That awkward sidelines, other moms are too cool to talk to me thing is really not a fun way to spend Saturday morning.
Joey? Blossom? Too funny - showing your age AGAIN!
We had the first birthday parties for the kids when they turned 5 because 5 seemed like a big deal to me. I am not having another for them until they are like 8 or 9 or 10 because it is ridiculous. I drop my kids and no one gets stoned around here anymore (stopped that in college ;-)) However, I have been known to cancel in the last week if something else comes up on the homefront for the weekend because it is our weekend damnit. They LOVE going to the parties now, especially, since the dawn of school becomes life all about their friends.
KEEP BELIEVING
I remember those days. Not only were our parents free but WE were free to run amok! (hehe)
My mom gave me so much grief for not throwing a huge, elaborate birthday party when my (now 4 YO) daughter turned 1. I ended up throwing a big party for her when she turned 2 to make up for it. Now the boy is turning 1 next month and I'm up to my eyeballs in party planning. I figure it's the least we could do for our only son and our last baby.
My 12 YO and 9 YO have the best bday parties these days - just a couple of kids (no parents) hanging out at our house, doing a slumber party or going to the movies. Nice and easy!
As a parent who just had the pleasure (said with much sarcasm) of being the hostess of my daughters 7th birthday party, not only is it a hassle for the parents to have sit there wit their kids as they attend these parties but sometimes a hassle to try and entertain the parents as well. I totally agree when you said I do not rememeber one party my mother attended with me. Now being a twin im sure my mother could not wait to get rid of us so she can go home and scratch her ass for a few hours. Now I would like to take the time to comment on what people are thinking when you cleary send an invite for their son Jimmy to attend your childs party and the show up with Jimmys brother Johnny, his sister Judy, cousin Jason and there family pet Jerome. I mean do these parents ever take into consideration the fact that like Kim mentioned we do have to pay 49.99 a child. I mean really, im startin to think next year im jus having coffee and cake wit her aunts and grandparents and callin it a day.
Wow...you guys have some elaborate parties...we still are having pizza, red rover, etc. lol
It totally does suck the life out of weekends!
Let me know if you have some magical answers after your world tour with Donnie. I would be interested to know when I could get a couple of hours off as well.
Great Post, and loved the reference to junior high dorks! Too cute!
But, hey, at least there is cake!! :)
1972 here too!! July 18th actually!
PS
I don't get invited anywhere anymore!
Max is now eight and he went to his first SLEEPOVER for one of his friends.
WAHOO a free night! And I have drawn the line at jr. high dork standage. No more, unless you get a margarita machine for the big kids, I'm dropping and running.
I remember the good old days, too. My birthday parties were always the ones where the parents dropped off and ran away...I can' believe it's changed so much since I was a kid!
You can't drop kids off an go get your nails done? WTF? I didn't even know the expectations changed!
I always stay just cause my kids want me to. And I like hanging out with the other moms who are my friends and it's fun to talk to them.
The good news is that as they get older 'drop and run' because vogue again. At a certain point, say late elementary, only the dorks have their mommies stay at parties with them. Until then, enjoy the cake and cookies.
I drop them off and LEAVE!
I insist on drop-off only parties for my kids. I have gone to the lengths of arranging rides for all the kids so their parents never ever know where the party is. Why? Because as much as other peoples kids tend to grate on my nerves, other people's kids parents make me want to drink heavily.
Good luck. You could totally come to my kids birthday parties. In fact, PLEASE come to my kids birthday parties.
*growan* I dread the idea of playdates and birthday parties.
I'm not going to obsess ... I am not going to obsess ... I am not ... drat, can my baby stay under 1 year old forever?!
-Maria
Very good point! I don't remember parents being at birthday parties when I was little either.
The big blow up jump houses, humungo pizza parties at the skating rink, and other expensive adventures are a bit much in my opinion.
I agree with you. I would much rather have played tag in someones backyard and ate hamburgers off the grill. But then again...I've always been simple like that. :D Good post!
Ugg - we are not at this stage yet - I just assumed you could drop them off when they are four or five ...