It took us eight months to conceive you. I will never forget the moment on September 20^th 2006 when I took my monthly pregnancy test and it actually reflected a positive result. I stood in the bathroom and cried with joy.

When I was five months pregnant with you the doctors told us we were having a little girl. I immediately went home and gave every piece of boy clothing away to charity. My mother was beyond ecstatic because you were going to be the first granddaughter she could spoil. You see you did not know at the time but she has six grandsons and no daughters. How quickly that all changed!

You had other plans about your sex. It was my 32 week sonogram appointment and I will never forget the conversation with the nurse. I asked the nurse, can you just double check that she is still a she. She said without hesitation, “who said you were having a girl, because you are clearly having a boy”. My mother was at this appointment with me and we both went into a hysterical laughing fit. It was clear she was not getting her first granddaughter.

I found it odd that on this appointment that I kept getting transferred from one room to the next. And then the whispering amongst the nurses was odd but I kept cool because my mom was with me. But then, my little man, I was not prepared for what the sonogram specialist was going to tell me next.

Hydrocephalus. There was a chance you would be born with hydrocephalus. I tried to have a stiff upper lip because the doctor was being so kind, and gentle with how he delivered the news, and again my mom was with me so I did not want her to freak out, watching me freak out. I don’t remember walking to the car, but I remember closing the door and just sobbing. Sobbing so hard that I could not talk. Sobbing so hard that I could not breath. Not only was I going to have to tell your daddy that we are no longer having “Daddy’s little girl“, but that there was the possibility of our baby being born with a handicap. Your daddy was much stronger than I was because he filled me with hope, he hugged me and told me what I needed to hear.

In reality, you were loved by us already and no matter what we were going to love you. I had to wait four long weeks before we could go for another sonogram. On my 36 week appointment, your daddy and I received news that it appeared that the condition was clearing up and there was a strong possibility that you would be fine.

Prayer works. I strongly believe that.

On May 25^th I was induced. You were big and you were a week shy from your due date and our doctor said if we waited any longer I may not be able to give birth naturally.

On May 26^th, 2007 god allowed me to become a mother to another one of his beautiful angels. My Aaron angel. Your birth was like something out of the movies. I was in hard labor for only 11 minutes. You were in a rush to meet us the doctors said. Hearing you cry for the first time was magical. Having the doctors tell daddy and me that you were 100% healthy made us both cry.

Thank you for choosing me as your mother Aaron. Thank you for showing me just how wonderful motherhood can be because as I told you I had a rough time with your brother. As I write this I still cannot believe that you are now a one year old. Each day your curiosity grows about the world.

You are a dare devil. You love to see “what if” even after mommy has said no, no, no to you. Your smile is healing. Your giggle is infectious. You idolize your older brother. It is adorable how you try to imitate him. You and your brother take my breath away sometimes when I see the both of you playing together.

How did I get so lucky?

Even when you wake up at 2:00 am for a bottle I still pick you up out of your crib so that I can hold the bottle for you. We both know you are quite capable of holding your bottle on your own, but I still love our quiet time together. That is our time that it is just me and you. Our time where I can brush your hair with my hand and kiss your forehead. Our time that you will still wrap your fingers around my index finger. And as I saw when your brother was so tiny this time will come to an end soon enough. I am not ready to let go yet.

There is such a big world out ahead of you my little man. I promise to encourage your dreams, keep you safe and to love you to pieces.

Happy First Birthday Aaron James. I could not be more blessed than to have you call me mommy.