Aaron fell off the bed today.  My bed.  The bed I put him down on for a second to change my shoes.  I was only five feet from him.  My little man hit my hardwood floors like a ton of bricks because I turned my back for a second for stupid shoes.

He started to scream right away, and continued to scream all the way to the hospital. 

There were no bumps on his head.

There were no bruises.

The feeling of worthlessness is overwhelming.  And I know others have done this, and I will not be the last mother on the earth to ever have their child fall off the bed.  But as a mother your life is to protect your child and I did not. 

Luckily, my little man had an angel catching his fall because he is okay.  We had to stay in the hospital for four hours for observation and his x-rays all came back perfect.  He acted liked nothing even happened to him in the hospital.  He was flirting with the nurses and completely rocked the little gown they gave him to wear.

Aaron is now sleeping silently in his crib and will never have this memory, however, I am not as fortunate because I have this guilt of causing my child pain.

I love you Aaron Angel.
Mommy is sorry.